I have been at this a while. From a very young age I learned of God. We went to Sunday school and church, confirmation class, learned all of the songs with hand motions, memorized Luke 2:8-16 one year at vacation bible school, and often sat in the choir seats of my grandparents old old country church as Grandad lead the congregation in singing the old great hymns. From a very young age I remember praying every night before I went to bed. I would prayer for each member of my new family (my parents divorced when I was young), for my mother, Memom and Grandad, Bob and Louise (our adopted grandparents and baby sitters), and a few friends. I did my first journal entry 28 years ago and now have volumes and volumes of journals saved in large plastic bin. Over 11 years ago I started spending daily time with Jesus and haven’t missed a day, but somehow until this morning, I missed it.
Oh I got it on some level, and I know that it has been a slow process over the years of coming to know it, but something clicked this morning as I sat in my “prayer chair”. The Father (ok, it was actually our little 7 week old Hadassah) awoke me early this morning and invited me to come and be with Him. He had something to say to me. I didn’t expect it to be a monumental morning. I poured a little wine in a glass and grabbed a cracker out of the cupboard (a ritual I have become more and more found of recently) and sat before the Lord. As I sat there quietly I heard with new ears what the Father has been telling me for so long: “I love you Shawn.” I know that. I know that He loves me, but something shifted this morning, and I believed it, really believed it. A few tears began to fall down my face as I reflected on this simple profound truth. I am loved my God.
How did I miss this for so long? God has always been saying this to me, but up until this morning I didn’t fully accept it. Today it moved from knowledge of a truth to something deeper. I can’t guarantee that this feeling will stay with me, but from where I am sitting right now it has gone beyond a feeling to a reality. Regardless if the feeling stays, what I know right now is that I am loved, truly loved.