As painful as it is sometimes it true, conflict breed’s intimacy. Maybe I should clarify, resolved conflict leads to deeper intimacy. This is a strange reality, but I have experienced it first hand, especially in marriage.
Anna and I had a rough beginning. She left everything, family, friends, career, her hometown and moved halfway across the country to my stomping grounds. I had my life arranged pretty well, living close to family, enjoying friendships and doing a job I loved. One of the first sources of conflict for us was that after marriage it was pretty much life as usual for me, and for her everything was new. This caused a lot of tension for us. I didn’t understand why should couldn’t just adapt, and she was at a loss that I didn’t see that it was a tough transition for her. Luckily we had a great pre-marital counselor who walked with us through the deep waters of the first two years of marriage. She taught us to confront difficult issues, not give into the temptation to settle for a mediocre marriage, and to have compassion for one another. As we put these methods into practice, our conflicts began to lead us to a deeper intimacy in our relationship.
So, the next time you are in a heated argument with your spouse (or anyone for that matter) resist the temptation to flee. Stay in it, work through the conflict and you will experience the incredible fruit of deeper intimacy.