No “news” to report on the medical front. But being that the last post was a while ago, and that silence could be interpreted as not good, we want to touch base.
There is “news”….. it has a lot more to do with how we are doing than it does about cancer, specifically. To start with, Anna’s own words are probably the best way to give you some texture on how she’s doing. A few weeks ago she said to me, “I feel better than I have in years.” And she “looks” like she feels better than she has in years. Those of you who’ve seen her lately could fist-bump to that. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, both her strength and her energy are where they were back in her college basketball days. Might sound silly, but it’s as if the 20-something Anna is walking around the house.
With that said, there are scary days and a lot of tearful moments. Moments when we are so overwhelmed that we are not sure we are going to make it through the day. Some days feel like we are right in the middle of the hurricane, storms and fires we are seeing in many parts of our country. Emotions are on alert around our household, including our kids, and confusion is easy to be had. Nevertheless, we find ourselves focusing more on God than we are on cancer.
Most of what I’ve written about regarding Anna’s cancer has been around our belief that God is healing Anna. I’ve also written about scans and lymph nodes and tumor size and treatment, about the path and the process. All of these things are important, but what we seems to be realizing more and more each day is that these things pale in comparison to Jesus. Our hope is not in what God “can do” or “is doing”. We are doing our best to worship in the midst of chaos.
Over the years, the best definition we have learned of worship is that you worship that which gets your primary attention. We are choosing to worship God, to focus on him, even when we don’t want to, especially when we don’t feel like it. Our hope is continue to become more and more passionately indifferent about all things except Jesus.
God speaks through the prophet Isaiah with this promise:
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;”
These days we often remind ourselves of God’s promises. Not to attempt to manipulate God, or that he needs reminding. Somehow reminding him reminds us of his character, of who he is. Will Anna be healed because of who God is…honestly, we do not know? What we do know is that He is with us, that we are not alone, and we are drawn more and more to give our attention and affection to Him, to worship.
We believe that God is GOOD and that this tumor inside Anna has zero impact on His goodness. We believe that God is crazy about us (and you too). That his promise of “I will be with you” is not just for us in the middle of the biggest storm of our lives, but is for you as well. So as you think or pray for our family and Anna’s complete healing, know that the same God that is holding us is also holding you. He is worthy of our worship.